Rating

★★★★☆

Category

non-fiction

Read

2013-01-25

Pages

271

Required reading for anyone in, or wanting to be in, a relationship. This is the guy who analyzed hundreds (thousands?) of couples and figured out what actually makes relationships work, as opposed to what most relationship therapists preach:

“Perhaps the biggest myth of all is that communication—and more specifically, learning to resolve your conflicts—is the royal road to romance and an enduring, happy marriage.”

A lot of common sense - got to be friends with your partner! - but I’m surprised by how often people (including myself) fail at the basics sometimes. All backed up by published research. It’s also where the four horsemen concept (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling).

This is a classic in the field for good reason. Really wish I’d read it five years ago rather than learning most of it the hard way.